When conflict shows up in an engagement process, the instinct is often to smooth it over and move on. Tia Orfanidis, a recent participant in our Facing Conflict course, makes a different case: Leaning in, not away, is where the real value lies.
In her reflection piece, Tia argues that stepping toward the tension (with skill and structure) is where the real value lies — for communities, decisions and teams.
Here are five takeaways inspired by Tia’s experience, translated into practical moves you can use.
1) Treat Conflict as a Signal, Not A Setback
Conflict usually means people care. Instead of shutting it down, surface what the tension is telling you — values, risks, trade-offs, hopes.
Try this: Open with a brief “what we’re hearing” check-in and write the shared problem statement together before debating solutions.
2) Aim For The Constructive Middle
Too little heat and issues simmer below the surface; too much and trust erodes. The goal is the constructive middle where robust challenge improves options.
Try this: Set two guardrails at the start: criticise ideas, not people and one conversation at a time. Hold them consistently.
3) Make “Tough Moments” Do Real Work
Tia notes that leaning in turns conflict into information. Use it to refine scope, surface assumptions and pressure-test criteria.
Try this: When a flashpoint emerges, pause to capture what matters most to each perspective, then map how options meet (or miss) those drivers.
4) Close The Loop Clearly
Avoiding conflict can look expedient — until it undermines confidence. When people see their concerns acknowledged and tested, trust grows.
Try this: After big decision points, publish a short “what we heard / what we changed / what we couldn’t change (and why)” note.
5) Build Team Muscle, Not Just Processes
Leaning in is a practice skill. Tia’s takeaway: treat difficult conversations as a chance to improve facilitation, myth-busting and restorative communication.
Try this: Run a 20-minute retro after heated sessions: what helped, what hindered, what we’ll do differently next time.
A Simple 45-Minute Structure For “Hot” Topics
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Name It (10 min): Acknowledge the tension, agree behaviours.
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Map It (15 min): Capture value drivers, risks and trade-offs.
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Test It (15 min): Co-create adjustments to options/criteria.
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Close It (5 min): Confirm changes, next steps and how you’ll report back.
This 45-minute flow adapts proven patterns from facilitation and negotiation: ORID’s stepwise focus-to-decision arc (Objective → Reflective → Interpretive → Decisional), which structures group sense-making; principled negotiation’s focus on interests, not positions to test and adjust options; the Liberating Structure “What? So What? Now What?” for moving from observation to action; and the After-Action Review to close the loop on what changed and why.
Why This Matters
As Tia puts it, communicators and engagement practitioners are often at the centre of challenging conversations. Choosing to lean in — with care, courage and structure — helps organisations make better decisions, sustain relationships and demonstrate integrity when it counts.
Original article from Facing Conflict participant, Tia Orfanidis.
Read the article: Leaning in, not away, is where the real value lies.
Further Reading:
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BetterEvaluation — ORID focused conversation (overview). Better Evaluation
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Harvard Program on Negotiation — Principled negotiation: focus on interests. PON Harvard Law
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Liberating Structures — What? So What? Now What? (official description). liberatingstructures.com
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Wharton Exec Ed — After-Action Reviews (origins & practice). Wharton Executive Education
If you’ve completed any of our courses and want to contribute your own reflection, we’d love to hear from you: marketing@engagementinstitute.org.au.
Face Conflict with Confidence
